~~i would describe my life the past almost-three months (since JG's birth) as "in a fog." the fog still hasn't lifted but, i think, is slowly clearing. as my mom said, two steps forward, one step back.
this past week JG has nursed really well. he has slept better. i am praising God! last monday i was feeling very desperate and i finally called La Leche League and spoke with two different "leaders." after describing what has been happening, the first LLL person said it could be reflux or milk sensitivity (nothing new) but then asked me if i was still taking prenatal vitamins. yes, i was. she told me to stop because the iron will upset a baby's stomach. who knew? the next day after i stopped taking the vitamins, he was better. he still struggles with staying a sleep for naps, but at least it's not a battle nursing him anymore. that has been the most stressful, sad thing with JG. breastfeeding is such a precious gift (and totally worth the pain of those first two weeks) that i was determined not to give up.
and for my records, JG before last week:
- 25-30 minute naps
- inconsolable crying 1-2 hours straight, usually late evening before bed
- multiple downright refusals to nurse
- nursing for 5-7 minutes max, only one breast per feeding, popping on and off
JG now, at almost 12 weeks old (he's still on Zantac, me off dairy and prenatal vitamin):
- wakes up (or i wake him) at 7:30am
- nurses both sides for ~10 minutes total
- stays happily awake for 1.5 hours
- i put him down to sleep, swaddled, in his bassinet around 9:00am
- he cries for 5-10 minutes (now) and falls asleep on his own
- sleeps 45 minutes to 1 hour 15 minutes (once last week he slept solidly for 2 hours. that was my best day byfar!) then wakes up, i give him paci and he usually falls back asleep for another 45 minutes or so
- wakes up (or i wake him) at 11am and we loosely repeat this 3 hour cycle, but he progressively has shorter awake times, shorter naps, and longer fussiness as the day goes on.
- he sleeps well at night; last feeding around 8pm, dream feeding at 10:30pm, wakes up once around 3:30/4am
feel free to judge. i know i'm a loony. like i said, i'm in an all-consuming FOG.
~~in other news, i finished Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman. great book. not well written, but it doesn't matter because it's an autobiography. an honest journey of struggle and hope. i cried through multiple chapters as she recounts Maria's death. one of my favorite parts of the book is p.170, which is right after they had to say goodbye to their daughter:
We had no sense of time...it was as if the chronological passage of minutes ceased to exist in our world; random, disjointed events were happening, but everything seemed out of order. In the midst of our grief and struggles, we were also living with an experience of special grace...a sense of God's presence, as if the veil between the temporal and the eternal had been lifted...We felt a supernatural sense of God holding us. We had a heightened awareness of what really mattered, a clearer vision of eternal things that we normally could not see. We were desperate for God. The Bible was like oxygen for us as we searched for comfort within its pages.
~~lastly, the boys' mini kitchen arrived, dan put it together, and SA has been loving it!


